101 Ways to Bug Draco Malfoy
by Perpendicular Lives
Summary: AU. T for Language. Kinna Shadow and Malfoy are Head Boy and Girl at Hogwarts in their 7th year. If everything goes well, they might not kill each other! When Kinna has the idea to make 101 Ways to Bug Malfoy, everything spirals out of control. DMxOC
1. Chapter 1

101 Ways to Annoy Draco Malfoy: The Tales of a Protagonist with Questionable Sanity

Many of you might not have heard of me, as I wasn't ever mentioned in any of the Harry Potter stories. Truth to both the wise and unwise: I exist. My name is Kinnara Shadow, known to my friends as Kinney, Kinna, Nara, Rara, Nana, and a few other names. Needless to say, I always know when someone is speaking to me. Upon my arrival at Hogwarts, I was sorted into Gryffindor House, during the same year as the Golden Trio, the Dream Team, whatever you want to call them. Harry, Ron, and Hermione are good kids, and I used to hang out with them every once and a while, but most of my time was spent on bugging our ferrety little friend. You guessed it: Draco Malfoy.

It was over the summer between sixth and seventh year, just after the Death Eaters had attacked Hogwarts and Dumbledore had been killed. My parents, as part of the Order of the Phoenix, had me stay at Grimmuald Place and the Burrow with the Weasleys over the summer. We received word a few weeks before term was to start that Dumbledore's last wish was that the Dream Team plus One were to return to Hogwarts to complete their schooling. Harry and Co. were crushed; they'd been planning on taking on old Voldenheimer themselves and smashing his hor-whatevers to bits. I just shrugged.

What did happen to piss me off was who arrived at the Burrow the day before we left for the train. Draco Malfoy strutted through the door, took a look around the kitchen, and hollered, "Merlin, this place is a dump!" Whilst this was happening, there were more than a few confused looks from the Weasley table, most coming from Harry, Hermione, Ron, the twins, Ginny, and me. Ron's mouth was hanging open, and a half-chewed piece of bacon slipped out. I started counting in my head. 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… 0. And we have lift-off.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING HERE?" the twins roared simultaneously.

"Good Lord," Hermione and Ginny muttered. "Boys."

"MERLIN'S PANTS!" Harry cried.

"BLOODY HELL!" Ron yelled.

"Petrificus Totalus," I lazily waved my wand, and the git froze up. I mean, he literally froze, because that's what the full body-bind curse does. His skin got whiter than it already was, his hands and legs snapped together, and the idiot toppled over. "Well, you chaps are just brilliant, aren't you? Why mess with magic when you can just shout at the bigot?"

It was just my poor luck that I was still pointing my wand at Malfoy when Mrs. Weasley walked in. If I hadn't, we could've claimed that he walked in and froze himself of his own accord. But, sadly, my dogwood and phoenix-feather stick was still pointing at his chest.

"Oh!" Mrs. Weasley had to do a double take to fully understand what happened. "I meant to be the one to answer the door when he got here!"

"Mum!" Ron said with disgust. "You knew he was coming?"

I sighed. "Ronald, she told us all a week ago that Malfoy and Snape are spies for the Order. Malfoy here needs our protection."

"Says the girl with her wand pointed at his chest!" Mrs. Weasley huffed and pushed my wand-arm down. "Kinna, dear, if you knew all this, why on Earth did you bind him?"

"Because he's far less annoying this way," I sniffed disdainfully as I made my way back to the table, giving both Fred and George high-fives on the way. "I would like to finish my food now."

Sadly, as we were his 'protection' until we boarded the train tomorrow, we had to unfreeze Malfoy. And by 'we,' I mean Mrs. Weasley. None of us could stand the idea of being the one to re-animate him. Of course, the second he was awakened; he started to walk threateningly towards me.

"You bloody commoner!" he cried. "When my father hears about this-"

"He'll be halfway to Azkaban," I yawned. "I already took you down once, Malfoy, and I wasn't even trying." I stood from the table and headed off to the room that I'd shared with Hermione and Ginny for the past week or two. "'Mione, Gin, I still need to finish packing. Come and help?"

"Fine," they muttered, pushing their plates back and following me up the rickety stairs. When we got to Ginny's room, I pulled out my empty trunk and began to grab stuff.

"Have you even started?" Ginny asked, incredulous.

"Nope, not a bit!" I chirped. "No time like the present, as the Muggles say. You guys don't actually have to help me pack; I just wanted some company. Also, it would be unethical to ask the boys to hang out with me in your room, Ginny."

I started by cleaning out the bottom of my trunk, using the 'Scourgify' spell to clean it and rid myself of broken quills and smashed ink bottles. Inspecting my clean trunk happily, I waved my wand, yelling, "Pack!" Everything that was mine flew into the trunk, all higgledy-piggledy and messy.

"Damn," I muttered. "I thought that I'd finally gotten the hang of that ruddy spell."

"Oh, let me do it," Hermione smiled. "Re-Pack." She waved her wand in a large sweeping motion, and my trunk unpacked itself, before returning everything back into it, much neater than just a few seconds earlier.

"Thanks, 'Mione," I grinned. "You're a life-saver."

I leaned out Gin's window and gave a large whistle, knowing that my owl, Yami, would return shortly. Sure enough, within thirty seconds a large, black, male owl appeared at the windowsill.

"Hey, Yami," I patted him on the head, and he affectionately nipped my finger. "We're heading off to Hogwarts tomorrow, so if you don't want to fly there, you have to come back early in the morning and ride the train with us. If you're not here when I wake up or before we leave, I'm assuming that you're not riding the train. Got that?"

He let out a small trill, letting me know that he'd understood. Then, he spread his wings and fluttered out the window.

"Kinna, how on Earth did you train Yami so well?" Ginny sighed. "Errol barely can understand who to take our letter to!"

I grinned slightly. "Errol's an old owl, Gin. You have to give him credit for that. And, even if he's a bloody menace, he gets the job done."

"I guess you're right," Ginny agreed. "I also just wish that sometimes-"

BANG BOOM POW CRASH!

"Shit." I stated, a moment before I made for the stairs, Hermione and Ginny right behind me. We emerged to a full-scale duel in the kitchen, Ron and Malfoy shooting flashes of light at each other.

Hermione and I immediately jumped into action, whilst Ginny joined Harry in screaming at them to knock it off while Fred and George were cheering Ron on. Hermione started to try and talk to Ron, wrestling his arm away from him. I, on the other hand, preferred a more tactical approach. Needless to say, Malfoy was the victim of a super tackle.

"FOR NARNIA!" I cried as I leaped, knocking the blonde boy over. We tumbled to the floor, and soon I had flung his wand away and pinned him to the ground. Meanwhile, Hermione had managed to grab Ron's wand. Fred and George looked at me strangely.

"What's 'Narnia?'" they asked, perfect unison, as always.

"It's a Muggle thing that 'Mione told me about," I said, as if it cleared up everything, which, surprisingly, it did.

"Get off me, you friggin' blood traitor scum!" Malfoy's voice was the only thing that reminded me that he was there.

"Oy, that language is uncalled for, mister," I said, jabbing him in the chest with me wand. It created a slight burn hole. "Whoops. And as for getting off, I don't think I will. At least, not until you apologize to me for your rude comment, and the Weasleys for practically destroying their kitchen! And possibly to me again for ruining my spectacular day!"

"No!" Malfoy said stubbornly.

"Well, then we're going to be here for quite a while, then." I told him, shifting my position so it was less awkward. "Fred, can I have a bit of toast?"

The redhead went to retrieve my food, and soon I was munching happily on my crispy bread with preserved fruit on top. Beneath me, I felt Malfoy's stomach growl. Perfect. Now I have the black mail to get away from this jerk sooner than I'd expected!

"What's that?" I grinned. "Your stomach? Have you not eaten yet, Malfoy? You know, you could easily eat some food if you just apologized. If you do that, I'll get off, and you'll have a clear path to the kitchen."

"N-N-No. I-I'm not hungry at all," he muttered, more like he was trying to convince himself rather than me.

"I'm not so sure about that, Super Ferret-Man. Your tummy sounded pretty unhappy a second or two ago," I smiled widely. Anybody could see that I was clearly enjoying this. "You know what, old friend? I'm thinking of starting a project this school year. Do you know what it will be titled?"

"I'm not your friend, and I couldn't give a care if I tried," he spat.

"Ooh, not quite friendly, are you?" I giggled. "Anyways, it's going to be brilliant. I can see it now: '101 Ways to Bug, Humiliate, or Otherwise Antagonize Draco Malfoy,' by Kinna Shadow. Sound good to you?"

"The hell it does!" he cried. "Get off me, you great buffoon!"

"Hmm, this little incident brings me to the beginning of my list." I said. "**#1: Sit on him**."

"Brilliant, just brilliant. Your stupidity astounds me." He sighed. "When the hell are you going to get off me, Shadow?"

"Mmm, when you apologize, Drakey-poo, when else? And remember; genius has limitations. Stupidity knows no bounds," I grinned again.

Ferret-Boy just sighed. We sat that way for a good hour, him sprawled on the floor, me just chillaxing with my butt firmly planted in the center of his chest, until…

"FINE, fine, dammit! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, for the love of Merlin let me up!" he burst out.

My smile just widened. "Sorry for what…?"

"I'm sorry for calling you a name and for ruining Weasley's kitchen!" he sputtered.

"And?"

"Umm… What was it? Oh! I'm sorry for ruining your otherwise perfect day," he sighed.

"Congratulations, Malfoy, you just learned how to apologize," I laughed and stood up. "Oy, Harry!" I called up the stairs. "He apologized!"

"This isn't over, Shadow," Malfoy snarled as I headed up the stairs.

"Oh, not by a long shot, Ferret." I laughed. "But right now, she score as I see it, is Kinna: 3, Malfoy: 0."

"Three?" he asked.

"Yep. I body bound you, tackled you, and sat on you for an hour and a half," I returned on my quest up the stairs, where I undoubtedly would find high-fives from the twins and Ron, congratulations on being able to stand the git for an hour from Harry, and comfort from Hermione and Ginny for being forced to put up with the Ferret for an hour. All was well, although I'm really not too sure that I should've left him unattended in the kitchen. Ah, well.


	2. Chapter 2 What the Fu!

101 Ways to Bug Draco Malfoy: The Tales of A Protagonist With Questionable Sanity

Chapter Two: "What the Fu-?!"

xXx

A few hours had passed since I let Malfoy up, I found myself checking my Hogwarts letter one last time, being sure that I got everything. Needless to say, I was surprised when something small and heavy landed on my toe. After swearing profusely, I picked up the offending object. It was a golden Hogwarts badge with the inscription 'Head Girl' on the front. I blinked, trying to figure out where in the world it could have come from.

"'Mione!" I yelled, hoping my brunette friend would hear me and come running. "Come, child!"

"Jesus, Kinna," Hermione sighed. "I'm not a dog, and I've been sitting here this entire time."

"Oh, right. I knew that." I lied. "Here, I think you dropped this… On my toe…"

Hermione looked at the badge, then turned to me and delivered moi an answer that I didn't expect in a million bazillion quintillion (did you know that's a real number?) years. "This isn't mine."

"How can it not me?" I scoffed. "Gin's still in Sixth Year, Harry and Ron are guys, Fred, George, Percy, Bill, Charlie, Mr., and Mrs. Weasley don't go to Hogwarts anymore, and Malfoy's a hermaphrodite, so he can't be Head Girl. And I'm just about as sure as hell that McGonagall wouldn't give it to my owl."

Hermione gave me a wry smile. "There's a note stuck to the back." She handed a folded-up square of parchment to me. I opened it up to find McGonagall's loopy handwriting.

"_Dear Ms. Kinnara Shadow,_

_As you have nod doubt already exclaimed, Ms. Weasley is indeed in 6__th__ year, Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley are boys, and the rest of the Weasleys do not attend Hogwarts any more. It would be insane to give the Head Girl position to an Owl, especially a male one. So therefore, either you or Ms. Granger are Head Girl. Another one of Professor Dumbledore's last requests was that you become Head Girl for the coming school year. Don't ask me why. I don't know._

_Sincerely,_

_Headmistress Minerva McGonagall." _I read the letter aloud. "Erm… 'Mione, does this mean that I'm Head Girl?"

"Got it in one," Hermione grinned.

I nodded, taking it in, then, "WAS DUMBLES OUT OF HIS FREAKIN' MIND?!?!?!?!" I screamed. "I DON'T WANT THIS! THAKE IT AWAY, HERMIONE, TAKE IT AWAY!"

Because of my incessant screaming at the top of my lungs, Harry and most of the Weasley clan occupied my room within seconds, trying to calm me down and figure out what on Earth was wrong with me. Hermione was just cackling with mirth. When I needed to halt my scream for a breath of air, I sent a pointed glare in her direction.

"Kinnara, what's wrong?" Harry asked, concern evident in his voice and emerald green eyes.

"Merlin, girl! You sure do got a pair of lungs," Fred and George commented whilst unplugging their ears.

"Hermione, just what are you laughing at?" Ginny was the first to notice our incapacitated female friend giggling in to corner. "Do you know why Kin's got it in for our eardrums?"

"Because… Because…" Hermione let out a fresh round of giggles, wiped away a mirthful tear, and tried again to speak. "Because Professor Dumbledore made her the Head Girl before he died!"

"Did he really?" Harry and Ron muttered, while Ginny and Mrs. Weasley squealed incoherently, muttering something about a celebration dinner and a cake.

"We always thought that the old coot was going crackers," George tutted.

"Here's the proof!" Fred exclaimed.

I grumbled for a while longer, but eventually resigned myself to the fact that I was, indeed, Head Girl. It made my predicament a little better knowing that I could dock House points and give detentions. Hermione must have seen my plans to torture both Slytherin House and random First-Years, because she warned me against abusing my power. I shrugged off her warning.

xXx

At dinner, Mrs. Weasley let loose a bombshell. "Since Draco is spending the night here, we need a place to put him up. Anybody have any suggestions?" We could all tell that she was fishing for somebody to give up their room for the snot-nosed idiot. As such, her words were met with silence.

"Okay, then, I'll make an executive decision. There's an extra bed in Kinna's room. Draco, you're sleeping there tonight." Malfoy grumbled agreement, knowing what would happen if he argued with Mrs. Weasley.

"I refuse!" I leapt up. "I don't want that git to sleep anywhere _near_ me! It's bad enough sitting at the same table as him!"

Mrs. Weasley gave me one of her patented glares. "Then go sleep in with Ginny and Hermione."

"Mum, there's barely enough room to walk in there," Ginny reminded her mother.

"Then she can go in with Fred and- Ah… Ron and- Again, no…" Mrs. Weasley screwed up her eyes. It's either in with him or on the couch."

"DAMNIT!" I yelled. "I can't leave my room because I don't want him near my stuff alone!"

"Then move your stuff," Harry suggested tiredly.

"Yami won't know where to find me," I pointed out.

"Then you're stuck," Ron stated. "Trust me, Mum won't give in."

"…Shit…" I muttered, knowing that he was right.

LATER!

All of my bags were packed, Yami had returned early and was caged up, and we were off to school in the morning. There was only one challenge left for my summer holidays- sharing a room with Malfoy, alter ego of Super Ferret.

"Now see here, Malfoy," I growled aggressively, drawing a line with my wand on the floor in fluorescent red paint. "Cross this line and I have permission to use any hex, jinx, or curse in my repertoire on you. And trust me; I have a biiiig repertoire."

"What if you cross it?" he growled back, just as menacing.

"I have to, if I want to get to the door," I pointed out. "Also, if you try anything… _Funny…_ you might just end up with an Unforgiveable coming your way. And I've heard that the Avada Kedavra can turn people into dodgy vampires."

"Why the hell would I want to try 'anything funny?'" Malfoy asked, amused.

"Because you're obviously madly in love with me," I chirped, with no actual evidence for the load of shit I'd just called up.

"And your basis for this claim?"

"Err… If you didn't fancy me, you would have apologized faster earlier today so that you could get me off of you. As you didn't, you obviously quite liked me sitting on you," I climbed into bed and flicked the lights off with my wand, coming up with the biggest pile of crap excuse I could.

My word were met with silence, until… "What the fu-"

"Language, Malfoy!" I snapped, rolling over and pulling up my duvet. "Goodnight."

"But you swear all the bloody-"

"GOODNIGHT, ASSHOLE!"

As I drifted off to sleep, I swear I heard giggling from Fred and George's room a floor above me. My last thought before I drifted off into pleasant darkness?

_I'm going to bloody kill those doppelgangers._

The Next Morning

I had already loaded all of my stuff into the Weasley's beat up old Ford Anglia, and was munching on a slice of bacon when Malfoy walked, bleary-eyed, into the kitchen, sitting at the table.

"What would you like for breakfast, Draco, dear?" Mrs. Weasley asked cheerfully. Morning people usually piss me off, but I was up bright and early today, chanting _'We're off to see the wizard!'_ from a Muggle movie as I bustled about my room, much to the displeasure of my roomy.

"Doesn't matter," Malfoy yawned. Spectacular! Because he was still tired, his reflexes would be slow- just what I needed.

Mrs. Weasley set a plate full of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of the super ferret. As Malfoy, Ferret Tamer Extraordinaire, began to eat, I began to put into action the plan that I'd spent my waking moments of the day creating and developing. Malfoy's fork was halfway to stabbing a particle of egg when I shouted at the top of my lungs, "Good God, look over there!" All the while gesturing madly towards the window like a lunatic.

When he did, I Summoned all of the food from his plate on to mine, shoveling it all down my gullet as fast as I could. When Malfoy turned back, irritated, he asked, "What was that?"

"Just testing your reflexes," I mumbled through a piece of sausage.

"Kinna, dear, go wake Harry and Ron, will you?" Mrs. Weasley called from the stove. "I want to be on time for the Express, for once."

Malfoy's gaze returned to his plate as I left for the rickety staircase. His eyes widened. I laughed.

"Number Two, Malfoy! **Steal his food!**" I cackled all the way up the stairs, and to prove just how good my mood was, awoke Harry and Ron with buckets of warm water rather than ice cold.

**A/N: **Well, there you have it! Chapter Two in the Saga that bugs annoying blonde boys with the name of Draco Malfoy. If you have any ideas of things that you want me to add to the Bug List, just post them in a review. If you don't have any ideas, review on the things that I came up with meself! Thanks for the kind reviews from BlackberriesInMoonlight and spif23, I'm glad that my humor doesn't suck as bad as I thought it would.

Click the little button… Please?


	3. Chapter 3 The Epic MakeUp Maneuver

101 Ways to Bug Draco Malfoy: The Tales of A Protagonist With Questionable Sanity

Chapter 3: Epic Make Over Maneuver

"No, Ginny, no!" I pleaded with my redheaded friend on bended knee. "Anything but this! Please! Have mercy on my poor, deluded soul!"

Ginny rolled her eyes and tied the last knot on the ropes binding me to her chair. Now, I'm sure that you're wondering something along the lines of, "WTF did Kinna get herself into now?!" Well, I'll tell you, though be warned, small children, it brings back terrible memories.

_FLASHBACK START_

"Oh Kinnaaaaa!" Ginny called, a demonic look in her hazel-colored eyes. I didn't trust that look; not one bit."

"Y-Yes, Ginevra Weasley?"

"Come, come! We must get you ready…" Note to self: Insert evil cackle here.

"Ready?" my voice trembled slightly as I looked around wildly for an escape route.

"_It's time for your makeover!"_

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

_FLASHBACK END_

God, I hate bringing up painful memories. Anyways, Ginny had somehow subdued me and tied me to a chair. So far she'd brushed and styled my plain, dark brown hair so that it was slightly curly, with a bit hanging in my face and the rest in a high pony-tail. At least she wasn't making me wear the dreaded rat's nest down. Now, I was dead scared that she was going to poke me in the eye with the mascara brush.

"Ginny…" I tried to soothe her out of this hasty action. "Ginny, let's think about this for a minute. Come on, Gin, do I really need mascara? Ginny? Ginny? OHMYGAWD GET THAT AWAY FROM MY EYE!"

Luckily, it was over fast. All she put on was lip-gloss, a light layer of mascara, and a pale eye shadow. She was going to do something with my cheeks to 'bring out my beautiful latte-colored eyes,' until I totally killed her mood for that by informing her that 'latte' was just Italian for 'damn expensive coffee.' Next thing I knew, Gin was rooting through her clothes, complaining that I didn't have anything 'pretty' to wear. Now, I was frightened about frilly shirts and pink skirts. She finally settled on a pair of well-loved jeans and a black top with a sparkly skull on it. I was still a little appalled with the choices, but over all relieved. At least it was sparkly. I then grabbed Ginny's red hoodie, resized it two sizes larger so that it was baggy, and deemed myself ready to go. I skedaddled out of the room before Ginny could hold me back. Sadly, my escape attempt was crushed by none other than Super Ferret Man, better known as Draco Malfoy, the bane of my existence. Quite sad, really, that the poor chap was still a bit sore over breakfast. "What's the rush, Shadow?" He smirked. "Going somewhere?"

"Must… Escape… The Lord… of Death…" I gasped. I then realized that it sounded like I was running for my life from old Moldy Voldy, and changed my tactics. "Death by Make-Up is to be feared by all! ACK!"

Malfoy smirked, catching on to what I meant. "Oy, Weaslette! She's down here!" he hollered up the rickety stairs.

"Doesn't matter, Malfoy," Ginny spat down the stairs. "She's all dolled up and ready to go."

I sighed with relief, collapsing on the floor. "Thank Merlin that's over with. When she's not looking, maybe I can wash all this mascara crap off…" I rubbed at it experimentally with a saliva-wetted forefinger. "Damn, I think the shit's water-proof."

"Weaslette didn't do a half-bad job," Malfoy commented. "You look slightly normal, now."

"What's this 'normal' you speak of?" my eyes filled with fake fear. "It sounds like a disease. OH MY GAWD GET AWAY FROM ME I MIGHT CATCH YOUR 'NORMAL'!" I scrabbled across the floor in mock horror, then stood up and brushed the dirt off Ginny's jeans. Malfoy scowled.

"Don't worry; there's no chance whatsoever that you'll even come close to normal," he muttered. "Weirdo."

"The opposite of normal is not weird, Malfoy," I grinned. "It's 'unique.'"

Malfoy ignored me and started towards the stairs. My foot shot out. Malfoy tripped. I giggled madly and ran like Hell, screaming behind me, "Number three! **Trip the bugger**!"

xXx

Once we all (Me, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Malfoy, Mr., and Mrs. Weasley) had finally loaded into the magically expanded vehicle, we took off. We were about halfway to King's Cross Station when I noticed a car following us. A man with a false electric-blue eye that whizzed around in its socket drove it. I recognized one of my favorite Order members almost instantly, and waved out the back window.

"Who're you waving to?" Hermione asked.

"Mad-Eye Moody, of course," I chirped, mouthing 'Hello.' All I got in response was a half-hearted wave and a mouthed 'Constant vigilance!' Malfoy flinched in his seat next to Ginny. "Oh, that's right! A fake Moody turned you into a ferret once, didn't he?" I grinned, remembering exactly how and why we started calling Malfoy 'Ferret.' Malfoy didn't even smirk. "Even though he was a crazed, evil, madman, Barty Crouch the Second had a mad sense of humor."

xXx

"Hurry!" Mrs. Weasley bustled us through King's Cross Station. "It's 10.50! Train leaves in ten minutes!"

We would have made it faster if Mr. Weasley hadn't stopped a few random Muggles to ask how inane things such as 'rubber ducks' or 'mike-err-wayves' worked. We were ushered through the barrier between Platforms 9 and 10 much faster than I was used to. As soon as we entered the Wizarding World, I stuck my foot out again, and Malfoy tripped again. I giggled… Again. "Remember number Three…" I whispered in an ominous, spooky voice.

Mrs. Weasley was nothing if not efficient. She had our belongings and us on the train in half a minute, leaving us nearly five to find good seats before the train moved out. I ripped Malfoy one last time as I walked down the corridor with Hermione, Harry, and Ron.

We found an empty compartment near the back, and before the train pulled out, Ginny, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, Dean Thomas, and Seamus Finnigan had joined us. It was a regular Gryffindor plus Honorary Gryffindor (Luna) party. Our carriage limitations numbering to 10 and nine of us being crammed in, it was a bit cramped. This was the reason why I was slightly relieved when Hermione announced that the Prefects plus me all had to leave for the Prefect meeting and Heads briefing. I clambered out of the claustrophobia-inducing space as fast as I could. As I though more on the reason we departed, I realized that I would be rooming in a different dorm this year, and had yet to meet my new roomy. Heck, I didn't even know who it was! Then, I had to be responsible, and patrol, and brief the Prefects… I didn't know if I could take it. I would have started hyperventilating right there in the hall if Hermione hadn't rammed into me on her way out of the compartment.

'Mione, Ron, Ginny, Luna and I trudged down the corridor until we reached the Prefect's carriage. Right next door to it was the room where I was supposed to meet the Head Boy and be briefed in responsibility and duty by Professor McGonagall, even though I doubted she was on the train. Hermione had done that job already, anyways. I bade both my Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, male and female sixth and seventh year friends goodbye. They wished me good luck. The four of them entered the Prefects carriage. I took a deep breath, and entered the Head's room.

"Are you bloody kidding me?" a male voice… Annoying… Egotistical… Cold… No. Absolutely not. "_You're Head Girl?_"

I turned around slowly, finally meeting the eyes of the other humanoid occupying the room. Tall, muscular, pale, pissed off look on his face, silvery gray storm cloud eyes, platinum or bleached blonde hair…

"Shit."

**A/N:** I know that this chapter is a little short. I had it prewritten out on paper before typing it, so I wasn't sure just how long it would be. Much thanks to all who reviewed. I know I just posted three chappies in two days, but updates are going to slow down. I wrote chapter one, and while I was seeing how it was accepted wrote chapters two and three. Mucho thanks once more, and keep reviewing and checking back! And one more note. To **Spif23**, that idea made me giggle. Just the idea of Kinna stealing those… Who knows, it might happen! ;3


	4. Chapter 4 I Love You?

101 Ways to Bug Draco Malfoy: The Tales of A Protagonist With Questionable Sanity

Chapter 4- I Love You?

"Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me!" I yelled, launching an almighty punch into the door. Unfortunately for me, I forgot that the doors had glass panels in them. It shattered, sending glass shards flying everywhere and bloodying my knuckles. "Oh, damn it all to hell!" I swore, whipping out my wand to fix the door. I would have cast a simple healing spell on my hand; I knew the enchantment after all. I was just dead scared that I would get it wrong, like usual, and give myself some rare hand disorder that made it grow its own brain and liver and then strangle me and feed me brussel sprouts.

"Dammit, Shadow! Why do you have to be so…" Malfoy searched for the word. "_Expressive?_ You do realized that I'm not overly whipped about sharing a dorm with you, either!"

"I was looking forward to taking points off you for either no or a completely obscene or random reason!" I complained. "But if I do that now, you can just take the same amount from me!" I began to sniffle a bit, but then my fantastic brain reminded me of something. "OHMYGAWD THIS HELPS MY NEFARIOUS PURPOSES!" I screamed happily, bouncing insanely around the small room.

"What?" Malfoy's face looked confused. I mean, anybody's face would turn confuzzled if one of their enemies started bouncing around the room, yelling her head off about how sharing a room had now turned into something spectacularly good.

"I have much more of a change to complete the list of '101 Ways to Bug, Annoy, Distress, Humiliate, or Otherwise Antagonize Draco Malfoy'!" I chirped happily. Malfoy's face blanched. I could understand why, seeing as how in the last twenty four hours, I had body bound him, tackled him, sat on him for an hour and a half, threatened him numerous times, whistled an annoying Muggle song, waking him up, stolen his food, faked that 'normal' was a disease, and tripped him a grand total of three times.

But, even with my track record, I could be the bigger person. Metaphorically, of course, seeing as my fife foot four height was minimal to Malfoy's six foot two, and he could easily take me in a fist fight if he wanted to. Maybe. "Malfoy, even though I hate you and your guts with a passion, when we're doing something important for Head duties, I promise not to antagonize you in any way at all." Surprisingly, I meant it- every word. Even if I never wanted this job in the first place, somehow I was determined on getting it right. Malfoy seemed to agree, because he made a similar proposal, and we shook on it. Funny enough, Malfoy had a grossed-out look on his face. It couldn't be that this was attributed to how I turned it into a spit shake without informing him, could it? Ah, well, screw it.

A strange sense of civility came over us, and we left for the Prefect's carriage with a list of things to brief the buggers on. I was surprised that Malfoy opened and held the door for me, but then realized that he was probably just being gentlemanly because Parkinson the Pug Faced Wonder Girl was the Slytherin 7th year girl Prefect. I gave Malfoy a curt nod and entered the room. I caught my Gryffindor friends' eyes immediately. Ginny looked merely curious, Hermione's face was clearly worried, and Ron's expression was murderous. Luna, on the other hand, was swatting at some unseen creature whilst Terry Boot and Justin Finch Fletchley Looked at her like she was completely crackers. Which she was, is, and always shall be. That's Luna for you, chaps!

I cleared my throat and waved, trying to catch the attention of the overly hormonal teens in the Prefect's carriage. "Err, hello?" Nobody paid attention. "Hello? Come on, guys, I'm up here. I mean, EVERYBODY SHUT YER TRAPS!" I hollered. The room fell silent. "Right, now that I have your _attention…_" I glared pointedly at a girl and boy who had been snogging only moments earlier. "This is Draco Malfoy, and I'm Kinnara Shadow. We are Head Boy and Head Girl this year. Bow down and worship me or you shall be slaugh-"

"What she means to say is," Malfoy cut me off, glaring at me. "We are to be respected authority. If you have problems, you can come to one of us or the teachers, whichever you prefer."

"Yeah, that's what I totally meant to say," I pouted. "Okay, we'll give each of you the password for your House common rooms. Let's see, Ravenclaws, you don't have a password. Hufflepuff, your password is 'Gillyweed,' Slytherin, your password is 'Hand of Glory," Gryffindor, your password is 'Lionheart." Everybody got that? We'll update passwords every couple months or so, and you shall be informed of the change accordingly," I read all of that off of a chart sheet, so there really was no need for Hermione to look too impressed. I basked in the glow of my not so impressiveness anyways.

Malfoy took it from there, explaining some of the corridor rules, appropriate reasons for detentions, patrolling, and such. I tuned out after the first word or two, and decided to just nod my head every once and awhile to pretend like I was listening. I eventually just closed my eyes and nodded off.

_I was sitting in a chair. Malfoy came in and sat next to me. I turned around and started poking him in the shoulder, accentuating each jab with a word describing its action. "Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke."_

"Shadow, wake up, you great bloody fool!" Malfoy was shaking me awake. I looked around; all the Prefects were gone. Something ticked quickly in my head, and I knew I had to act fast.

"D-Draco?" I asked, my voice unusually 'cutesy.' "You stayed here for me?"

"Uh… What?" A look of sudden confusion and fear crossed his face. I smirked inwardly. The poor fool was falling for this even worse than I thought! "Did you just call me by my first name?"

I nodded my head slightly, before bursting into (fake) tears and lunging myself at him in a giant hug. "Oh, Draco, I knew you felt the same as me!"

"Get off me!" Malfoy pushed me back. "Shadow, what the hell are you doing?"

"But… Draco…" I whimpered, now on the floor. "I… I love you!"

Malfoy looked like he'd been struck by a physical blow. "W-what?"

"Never mind…" I sniffed, getting up and making my way for the door. "I guess I was wrong."

"Err… Do you… Want a hug?" Malfoy shuffled his feet. "It's not like I like you! I just can't stand to see girls cry." I could tell he wasn't lying about that; obviously my crying made him uncomfortable.

I turned around, my eyes wide and brimming with (fake) happiness and gratitude. He drew me into a large hug. I could feel his warm, strong arms around me. It felt all wrong and weird. I remembered why I hated hugs. I squirmed a bit, wondering how I should get away. Obviously, he took this as a gesture that I was trying to get into a more 'intimate' position, and just squeezed me harder, trying to make sure that I didn't. I just fidgeted more. Squirm… Squirm… Squirm… Until…

"OH MY GAWD GET OFF ME I CAN'T FREAKING TAKE THIS BULLSHIT ANY MORE!" I yelled, pushing him away. Malfoy fell back, another confused look on his face. I smirked, and allowed the mirth to fill my eyes before I burst out laughing.

"What's so funny about this?" Malfoy growled. "You just out of the blue hug me, claiming you love me, then you fling me off and yell at me, and now you're laughing? What are you, schizophrenic or bi polar?"

I kept laughing until I could explain. "Holy… Mother… Of crap!" I giggled. "You totally fell for that! Hook, line, and sinker!" I collapsed into mirth again.

"Fell… Fell for it?" Malfoy slapped his hand to his face. "Why the hell am I so damn gullible?"

"I don't know, Ferret, but that was number four!" I howled, finally making out of the room. "**Falsely declare love to him**!"

To slightly discredit me, I didn't laugh all the way back to the compartment where my friends were undoubtedly waiting me. To bump my credit back up in your eyes, though, I did giggle for a fair portion of the trip.

xXx

Harry, Ron, Ginny, and the occasional other Gryffindor were still in hysterics when we disembarked from the train. Upon hearing of my newest triumph, Ron had even actually fallen to the floor, rolling over and over in his incessant laughter, bringing to life to the phrase 'roflmfao,' meaning, of course, 'Rolling on floor laughing my fucking ass off.' I was quite pleased with the reaction, myself. He'd totally flipped, screaming curses and oblivion at me as I giggled my way down the corridor.

We rode up to the school in the horseless carriages. Well, they're not really… Well, yeah. Thestrals aren't horses, are they? Anyways, Harry and I are the only ones out of all of us who can see them. He said that Luna can see them, too, but she rode ahead with Ginny and a couple of Ravenclaws. Stuck in the carriage with me were Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Harry informed me that we learned in fifth year that people who have seen death could see Thestrals. I can see them, but I can't remember ever watching anyone die. Maybe it was a bug I squished? Anyways, I'll figure that out at another time. At the time, I was a bit more preoccupied with planning my next out of a hundred and one moves.

I was conspiring with Ron, and we had come up with an idea. It was just a basic one, which was why I needed to add my own personal touch to it. In the middle of the Welcome Feast, I started a simple conversation with Hermione.

"Oy, 'Mione," I began. "Do you remember how to do a Disillusionment Charm?"

"Yes, of course," she said.

"Can you show me, please?" I begged, eyes wide.

"Fine," she muttered, performing the spell and rapping my head with her wand. It felt weird, like a cold egg yolk dripping down my head. "Happy now?"

But, alas, I was nowhere near enough to hear her last two words. I was already beginning my trek across the room to the green and silver adorned table, practically invisible for all anybody cared. I could have just as easily borrowed Harry's Invisibility Cloak, but this was easier. The Cloak would only get in my way. I sought out my victim… I mean, my target. There he was; sitting right in between that absolute pug Pansy Parkinson and that guy whose name I keep forgetting… Zucchini? Parcheesi? Zabini! That's it, Blaise Zabini. Anyways, Zucchini (I'm never calling him by his actual name again, thank you very much) and Malfoy were talking when I arrived at their table. I crossed around to stand behind our (not so) favorite Ferret, and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. He held up a finger behind his shoulder, a universal sign for 'I'll be with you in a minute!' But I wasn't about to wait, so I tapped him again. And again, and again, and again, until he turned around, looking absolutely frustrated.

"What the bloody hell do you-" his voice trailed out, for he had turned around… And nobody was there. It was just about all I could do to keep my giggles in. A slightly perplexed look crossed his face, and he was just about to turn around when I jabbed him in the stomach.

Poke… Poke… Poke… Poke… I poked Malfoy over and over and over, him getting more and more and more frustrated with each jab. Eventually, when he was just about to scream and run for Madame Pomfrey to cure him of this strange disease, I stopped the pokes, leaned down towards his ear, and whispered.

"**Poke him**…" I whispered ominously. "That's number five, Ferret. Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"

Malfoy screamed. He literally did. It wasn't in terror, though, it was a high-pitched squeal of anger. Absolutely pure anger and hatred. And I laughed all the way back to my table, where Hermione was freaking out because I'd disappeared, and where Ron and Harry had just figured out where I'd gone. All was absolutely right in the world, and maybe, just maybe, this year at Hogwarts had the potential to be the best.

**A/N:** Well, there you have it, chapter four! Took me a little longer than usual, what with school starting back up. Hope you all liked it; it took me a helluva long time to get the 'fake love' thing just to the point where I could tolerate it. Thanks to reviewers, the reviews make me feel good when school has sucked the life out of me like a dementor's kiss. Again, ideas on how to bug poor drakie-chan are always welcome. Pizazz out!


	5. Chapter 5 What's Up in the Foshizzle?

101 Ways to Bug Draco Malfoy: The Tales of A Protagonist with Questionable Sanity

Chapter 5: What's Up in the Foshizzle, Mah Nizzle?

It was after the Welcome Feast, and as far as I could tell, Malfoy was still pretty pissed off after what I did during the meal. At least, I think so. I mean, all he did was yell at me, "I'm still really pissed at you for that stunt you pulled during dinner!"

Anyways, enough of that. It was after the meal, and we were instructed to wait around for old Glasses-Face to show up and take us to our dorm. And she did, quite promptly, too.

"Excuse me, Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Shadow, follow me if you will," Professor McGonagall was quite brief, being sure to show us just exactly how much patience she would have for any bickering. "Again, as I informed you both in your letters, it was part of Professor Dumbledore's Last Will and Testament that you two receive the positions of Head Boy and Head Girl for this coming school year. I cannot fathom exactly why, but I can begin to guess. My deduction is that Professor Dumbledore wished for you two to become friends, and therefore bring Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Mr. Malfoy's arguments to a standstill, or at least a stalemate. The best we could hope for is for you two and your respective groups of friends to all befriend each other."

Malfoy let out a small snort. "Like that's ever going to happen," he muttered under his breath. McGonagall let out a hole-burning glare, and I quickly covered my own ass with a suck up statement.

"I think that's a very reasonable request, Professor," I said, perhaps too quickly, as McGonagall gave me a funny look, like she knew that I was being a kiss ass. "So, I was wondering, as the new Headmistress, did you have to hire a new Transfiguration Professor?"

Professor McGonagall launched into a spin off lecture about how she had tried and tried to get a job applicant, but nobody wanted to teach, so she had to keep the job herself. Whilst she was talking, I zoned out and ran into more than one suit of armor. Eventually, we arrived at the third-floor corridor, right-hand side, where that old three-headed monster of a dog used to be hidden. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had re-capped their adventures in every school year for me over the summer, so I knew exactly what used to lie beneath that trap door.

"There's no way that this is the Head's Dorm!" I exclaimed. "There used to be a monster dog in there!"

The Headmistress shook her head slightly, and pointed at a portrait of a lion. "_This_ is the Head's Dorm." She walked over to the portrait. "Greetings, Lance, I have brought you the new Heads."

The shining golden lion's portrait was set in a forest, and he was obviously the main attraction. Fiery, yellow-gold fur, amber eyes, and a regal look about him just screamed 'I'm important, look at me!'

"What's up, mah home skilly biscuits? What's up in the foshizzle, my nizzle?" and he spoke like a gangster, elevating him at least thirty positions in my 'Cool Book.' McGonagall looked disapproving, as she could see the obvious giddiness on my face at having a gangster lion guarding my dorm.

"This is Lance; he'll be the portrait entrance to the Head Tower. The password right now is 'Peace,' something that I hope you two heed. You may change the password at any time, and inform your friends if you want," McGonagall informed us. "You two may go inside now, and get all settled in. Classes start tomorrow." And then she was gone.

"Well, this is it-" I began a dramatic speech. "This is the moment that we've all been waiting for. The school holds their breath, waiting for the minute that Draco Malfoy and Kinna Shadow attempt to spend the night in the same dormitory at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We shall take one small step for wizards, but one giant leap for wizard-kind," I let loose a stolen Muggle quote that I would be glad to claim for my own.

"Shut up, Shadow," Malfoy grumbled. "Peace." He directed towards the gangster lion, Lance.

"OUT, DUDE!" Lance switched to hippy mode. "Peace out to all the brothahs and sistahs!"

I grinned as Lance swung out, revealing a door. I followed Malfoy inside, but not before I turned around, made a 'peace' sign to Lance, and called out, "Word to your mothas!" I heard a happy purr as the door swung shut.

Inside the dorm, I took a look around. There were two squashy armchairs, a coffee table and a fireplace near a wall off to my right, and two study desks straight to the front, in between two sets of stairs. On my left, there was a large chintz couch, surrounded by a few more armchairs and another coffee table. Altogether quite cozy. The walls were a pleasant beige tone, and the lights were quite dim, giving the room a warm, homey feeling.

"Man, this place is the _shit!_" I exclaimed, plopping down on the couch and sighing.

"It's nice, I suppose," Malfoy sniffed.

"Jeez, you're such a buzz kill, Malfoy!" I sighed. "I'm going up to bed." I passed the study desks and picked a set of stairs; the one on the left. I skipped up them on my merry way, and pushed open the door, revealing a green and silver room with Slytherin hangings. I cried out in shock, "GAH!" and tumbled backwards all the way down the stairs, falling straight into something warm and leggy. I looked up to see Malfoy staring down at me.

"I went up the wrong set of stairs," I pouted, scrabbling up and trying to walk away with some dignity. I ended up limping and looking a bit like a snotty princess, though. When I reached the other room, it was red and gold with Gryffindor hangings. "That's better," I sighed, plopping down on my bed.

After a little while of just sitting, I noticed my dark owl, Yami, sitting at the window. I pulled open the glass panel and he fluttered inside, a piece of parchment clasped in his beak. It was a letter from Harry, but Hermione had written it.

'_Kinna,_

_Hope that Malfoy isn't bugging you too bad. Of course you know where the Gryffindor dorm is, and that the password is 'Lionheart.' If you didn't, now you do. But where is your dorm and how do we get it? We want to be able to visit you._

_Thanks,_

_Harry._

_P.S. Actually, it's from me, Hermione, but Harry's being lazy and making me write. Send something back with Yami.'_

I grinned before grabbing another scrap and jotting down a note back.

'_Hermione,_

_Third floor corridor, where Fluffy used to be. Look for the picture of a large golden lion. His name is Lance, and the password is 'Peace.' My room is up the right hand stairs. Come visit me in the morning- I'm tired now and going to bed._

_It's Sleepy Time,_

_Kinna._

_P.S. Harry, stop being lazy. Kinna says, and now it shall be so! Plus, if you plan on winning any Quidditch at all this year, you've got to stay in shape, mister. Ron, save me some of those Chocolate Frogs.'_

I gave Yami the letter, whispering, "Take this up to 'Mione, Harry, and Ron." The black owl gave a hoot of consent and fluttered out the window. I don't know why I added on a bit about Ron snacking on Chocolate Frogs; it just seemed like that's what he would be doing. Those thoughts in my mind, I collapsed on my bed, fully clothed, and drifted off to dreamland.

THE NEXT DAY, FOOLS!

When I woke up in the morning, there was a shaft of warm, yellow sunlight filtering through the window onto my face, tickling my nose with the light. Finally disturbed enough to fully wake, I rose from my bed, fumbling through my trunk for some clothes. The day numbered Saturday, so lessons wouldn't begin 'til Monday, a few days from now. I smiled, realizing I had a big day for mischief ahead of me, and I had to get started, fast.

I dressed fast, in some plain jeans and a T-Shirt for a Muggle band called Queen. It was royal purple and had a gold-colored crown on it. I pulled on one of my numerous pairs of Converse hi-tops, this pair just regular black, and scooted off down the stairs, just barely remembering to grab my wand on the way out. Seeing a I was sharing a dorm with a blonde monstrosity, I might need it in the foreseeable future.

When I entered the Common Room, I could tell that Harry, Ron, and 'Mione had gotten my hastily written letter from last night, as they were sitting and conversing on the couches. "Moooooooooooooorrrrniiiiiing!" 'Mione called. I clutched my forehead.

"Hermione, I'm not a morning person," I moaned. "Isn't it too early to be that happy?"

"Nonsense, silly," Hermione grinned. "I've been up for hours already, looking over the coursework for this school year!"

I groaned. "Fine. That's you. But if you think that I'm going to spend what are probably going to be the only two free days I get all year studying, you've got something else coming, Granger."

"Nice to see that you _friends_ are on a first name basis," a sneer from the left-hand staircase let me know that, sadly, the ferret had indeed not died in his sleep like I had so hoped.

"Good morning to you, too, Malfoy," I grumbled, turning around a shooting a golden bolt of light at him from my wand.

"What the bloody hell did you do?" Malfoy asked hysterically, looking over his skin and shirt for any telltale blemishes from my spell.

I frowned. "Hmm… Looks like I didn't think that one through enough… I guess it didn't work. Don't worry, Malfoy. There aren't too many side effects that come from getting it wrong."

"No! You've probably killed me!" Malfoy was freaking out and dashing back up to his room.

"Well, that's number 6," I muttered, pulling out a piece of parchment and scribbling down _Make him think you've doomed him with an original spell._

Harry, who was looking over my shoulder as I wrote, let a small laugh out before asking, "What does that spell actually do?"

I smiled, saying, "Absolutely nothing. Unless, of course, I perform the additional spell that actually _does_ give it effect. And I'm going to wait until the right time to do that."

I skipped merrily out of the dorm, all of my previous contempt at daylight forgotten.

"Oh, and Ron?" I started. "I'm going to need your help with number eight later. I've already got number seven lined up, but I need you to dump something into Malfoy's bag when he's not looking." I enlarged a briefcase that had been in my jeans pocket, handing it to Ron and whispering something in his ear.

Ron's eyes widened, and then he started to laugh hysterically. "Kinna, I don't know why we didn't make friends with you earlier!" He giggled. "You've got an absolutely mad sense of humor!"

"What's in it?" Harry and Hermione pestered. I quickly forbade Ron to tell anybody, including both our raven- and brunette-haired friends.

"So you'll do it?" I confirmed. Ron nodded his head, and we were off to breakfast.

I'd already dug into my second sitting of waffles when Malfoy entered the Great Hall. Luckily, I'd already set up the accompanying spell to the one I'd done earlier, so his hair was already starting to get longer and creep down his face as he advanced towards the Slytherin table. By the time he sat down, everyone was staring at him and his shaggy mane, his golden-furred face, and most of all, the ears on his head and tail sticking out of his back.

"Is this number seven?" Harry laughed next to me.

I grinned. "Yep. Number seven." I stood up on the Gryffindor table and called out, "OY! MALFOY! LOOK AT YOUR FACE! NUMBER SEVEN STRIKES!"

As I sat back down, avoiding the furious glares from the green and silver table, I noticed that Ron was missing. I searched the hall for him, and figured out that he was invisible by the way that Malfoy's bag seemed to be opening on its own. I saw something- at this distance, you couldn't tell what it was- tumble into Malfoy's bag. Then, the bag sat down on the floor and closed itself again. A minute later, Ron reappeared next to me, muttering, " And your mission is accomplished."

I spared a second for an evil cackle and an, "Excellent…" before I returned to glaring at the table of the snake, waiting for Malfoy to trip the trigger. It wasn't until later that he would.

Almost everybody was gone from the Great Hall when it happened. There were only a few stragglers, Malfoy, and us. "Us" being Harry, Hermione, Ron, and me. Malfoy stood up from the table, and opened his bag to check what he had with him…

…And a giant, white ferret leapt out at him. Ron and I dissolved in laughter, Hermione looked on disdainfully, and Harry's shock allowed him to let out a few giggles. I finally let out my plan to Harry and Hermione.

"I had Ron slip a boggart into Malfoy's bag," I roared as Malfoy tried to outrun the ferret. "Do you think he's had enough?"

"Not really," Harry laughed, "But teachers might get suspicious."

"Good point," I giggled, muttering softly, "_Ridikkulus!_"

The ferret disappeared into a poof of thin air, just as Professor Snape caught up with Malfoy. I pulled out a scrap of parchment and scribbled something down.

"What are you writing?" Ron asked as I charmed the note.

"Tell you in a second. I'm charming it so that only Malfoy can read," I muttered a few last spells, and then the letter disappeared.

"What did it say?" Harry asked.

"Nothing much," I shrugged. "Just the usual. 'Dear Malfoy: Sorry to tell you, but you just got burned by number eight: hide a boggart in Malfoy's schoolbag. From, your darling Kinna Shadow.'"

My friends collapsed into their laughter, and even Hermione dropped her persnickety attitude and let loose some little giggles.

**A/N:** **Well, here's chapter 5 for you, fellas! Sorry it took so long, I got caught up in school. Because it took so long, I vowed to make it extra long, so it's also longer than usual. Hope you all like it! P.S.: Reviews sooooometimes make authors write faster… XD Have fun! ~~AzzPizazz**


	6. Chapter 6 Just stomp your feet

101 Ways to Bug Draco Malfoy: The Tales of A Protagonist With Questionable Sanity

Chapter 6:

Ah, the bliss of a September Sunday morning. With the windows just barely cracked open, a light breeze can just blow across your face, and you are awoken to the twittering of robins and blue jays. Wouldn't that be nice? It would be, unless a certain brainiac burst into your room at seven in the morning, calling out nice and loud, "Oh, Kinna! Come on, wake up! I want to show you the course work for this year!"

To which I respond, "MMMRRRFFFFFF…" Then, I rolled over and went straight back to sleep. Interesting start for an interesting day!

Hermione didn't give up, though. She shook and pestered me until I finally consented to get out of bed. I quickly changed out of my plain, over-sized black pajama shirt and red plaid flannel pants, and got dressed. Regular jeans with a nice, over-sized pocket, just for my wand, and a large black shirt that has this curious sign like a pinwheel on it. For some reason, whenever I wear it out in the Muggle world, people start glaring at me… But it's pretty cool, and damned comfy.

Hermione dragged me down to breakfast, where Harry and Ron were already chomping down on some food and looking over their course schedules. Professor McGonagall swooped down upon me, forcing the piece of parchment into my capable hands. I looked down the list to see what N.E.W.T. classes I had been allowed to stay in-

_Course Schedule for: Kinnara Shadow. House: Gryffindor_

_Monday, Wednesday, and Friday-_

_Hour One: Potions_

_Hour Two: Defense Against the Dark Arts_

_Hour Three: Charms_

_Hour Four: Care of Magical Creatures_

_LUNCH_

_Hour Five: Free Period_

_Hour Six: Divination_

_Hour Seven: Transfiguration_

_Tuesday and Thursday-_

_Hour One: Defense Against the Dark Arts_

_Hour Two: Charms_

_Hour Three: Potions_

_Hour Four: Free Period_

_LUNCH_

_Hour Five: Transfiguration_

_Hour Six: Free Period_

_Hour Seven: Free Period_

I ran down my list of classes, altogether pleased. It looked like my lessons would be fun this year. I compared classes with Hermione, Harry, and Ron. I had Defense Against the Dark Arts, Potions, and Transfiguration with all three, but I had Divination with just Harry and Ron. I didn't have any of them in Care of Magical Creatures or Charms. Some of their free periods matched up with mine, too, though, so we'd be able to get up to mischief then.

After my food had fully digested, I returned to the Heads dorm with my Golden Trio in tow. I needed their help to set up a particularly tricky plan that I had formulated during the meal. We had been talking about some of our favorite songs.

"Hmm, I have to say that Replay by Iyaz is one of my favorites," Hermione had really surprised me with her pick- I really hadn't expected anything as rocked up or jazzy. I'd really been expecting her to say 'Bach's _Concerto for Two Violins_' or something. I was flabbergasted, sure, but pleased.

"I like Me Against the World by Simple Plan," Harry had admitted. I giggled a bit, and when he looked at me funny, I explained.

"Fifth year, when everybody except for your friends hated you and called you a liar? It was basically you against the world. It's ironic," I intoned, making sure he understood by slamming the words into his head- or maybe just slamming his head.

"Right, well I like Nonquids and Gorlocks by Three Cauldrons Down," Ron said. All three of us stared at him- Hermione was a Muggle-born, and Harry was raised by Muggles, so they had practically no knowledge of Wizarding bands. I thought that Muggles made better music, so I had practically no knowledge of Wizarding bands.

"Okay, then. Nonquids and Gorlocks… Nice. I have a lot of favorite songs, but right now it's Hey, Soul Sister by Train. And, probably one of my other favorite songs is-"

That's where I'm going to stop, because if I went on, then you might figure out my plan before I actually get to telling you all about it. Anyways, my friends and I made it back into the dorm (After having a little chat with Lance the coolio lion) and started setting up our spell. After a few tricky charms and basic enchantments, we were ready to go. All we had to do was wait for Malfoy to get back from his peaceful breakfast, where he was probably shivering and starting to get paranoid- at least, I hoped. A few minutes before he showed up, I conjured up a roll of parchment and a pin, pinning up the paper to the wall. I blasted it with a permanent sticking charm, and set to work on it. I enchanted it from afar, so that I would only have to say a simple spell, and it would start to fill up with words.

"_Listio Updateio!" _I said happily, and watched letters spill across the page. At this point, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all watching me, intrigued.

"You're a rather productive spell-inventor," Hermione noted as the words seeped into the parchment, "But you come up with rather obvious chants. Listio Updateio? It's kind of obvious that it updates a list."

And so it did. For the parchment that I had pinned up on the wall now read '101 Ways to Bug Draco Malfoy' on top, and underneath, all of my achievements thus far were filling up the page in black ink.

Malfoy waltzed into the dormitory, his hair full of grease.

"Malfoy, I have a serious question for you," I informed him. It was difficult to hide the smirk creeping across the inside of my mouth, but I managed it. This wasn't part of my list; it was just to get on his nerves. Make for a better reaction when the plan actually was put into action.

"What is it, Shadow?" he grumbled. He wasn't able to look anybody in the eye since the Boggart incident.

"Well, I was just wondering…" I began, "It's just… Okay, I'll come right out and say it. Are you one of those people who looks at themselves in the mirror every night, chanting over and over, 'I'm the hottest, I'm the hottest, I'm the hottest.'"

Malfoy blushed a deep crimson, and I fell over laughing. Harry and Ron were holding in snickers, and Hermione was pretending none of this was happening. "I'll take that as a yes, then!" I stammered around my laughter.

Malfoy growled dangerously, spinning on his heel and storming up the left staircase.

"Oh, here it comes…" I closed my eyes, waiting for the eruption that was about to hit.

Now that the plan has arrived, I think it's time to finish that conversation that I told you about earlier. Well, this was the rest of my sentence: "And, probably one of my other favorite songs is the Hamster Dance."

Back to Real time:

Noise exploded from Malfoy's room.

"JUST STOMP YOUR FEET AND CLAP YOUR HANDS, COME ON EVERYBODY IT'S THE HAMSTER DANCE!"

This bit of lyrical genius was followed by a scream. Obviously, Malfoy hadn't been expecting this. I got up and started dancing as obnoxiously as I could. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw two new entries on my list scrawl across the page:

_9. Rig his room so that whenever he's in it, the "Hamster Dance" plays at an unneccessarally loud volume._

_10. Start dancing obnoxiously to aforementioned song._

I had to laugh. The list updated itself after the first casting of the spell, so I wouldn't really have to formulate it all in my head. If it pissed Malfoy off, the list wrote it down. Harry and Ron had gotten up, and we were all now swing dancing and goofing around while Hermione yelled at us to "Turn it down so I can read!" and Malfoy screamed at us to "TURN THE DAMN THING OFF!"

After awhile, I did, but then I dashed out of the dorm, Harry and Ron hot on my heels. I bade Harry and Ron farewell, telling them that I had some planning to catch up on, even though I really didn't. Some of my plots required careful planning, but others were just spur of the moment. I wandered aimlessly around the grounds until I caught sight of the spot I was looking for- a tree right on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. My older brother and I had built a tree house there in my third year- his fifth. I never told you about Ren, did I? Well, his name is Ren, and he's two years older than me. He was pretty good friends with Fred and George Weasley, and would've stayed at the Burrow with me over the summer, but he was off fighting Death Eaters. I worried for him, but I knew that he would be okay.

Anyways, Ren and I had built a tree house, and sworn never to let anybody know about it. We charmed it with everything we had, even a Fidelius Charm. I was the Secret Keeper for our tree house. When I reached the base of the giant oak, the wooden ladder unfurled cascading down to my feet. I grabbed the ropes up the side and started to climb up. The house wasn't that grand, but it _was_ like a miniature apartment. There was a bed, a rug, air conditioning, a stove, a microwave, a fridge, and a bathroom built off the side. After popping a butterbeer and relaxing for a while, I returned to the Great Hall for dinner, and then went back to the dorm to set up my next plan.

I got back to the dorm before Malfoy, which was good, seeing as I had to prepare a bunch of this before he was back. I ran into my room to get the ferret plushie and other supplies I had received from Mad-Eye Moody in the mail. (Yes, Mad-Eye had agreed to help me with this one plan, but only because it was assured to fill up more than one spot on my list.)

I used the _Geminio_ spell, multiplying the ferret doll until I had approximately 20. I then hid them at intermittent points all throughout Malfoy's bedroom, making sure all of them were in obscure spots. Then, I waited. I found Harry, Ron, and Hermione, chatted with them, hung out in the Gryffindor common room, and had an Exploding Snap tournament with all the seventh years. I forged my way back to the dorm about midnight to find Malfoy sleeping like a baby in his room.

I hurried back into my room, grabbing the last thing I needed- a small vile of Polyjuice Potion with a singe hair from Mad-Eye inside. He'd sent along a fake, electric-blue eye to fit around my head, too. I guzzled the foul potion, nearly vomiting in the process. My skin bubbled, and my appearance changed, until I stood in the image of Mad-Eye Moody. I grinned evilly, and made my way to Malfoy's room.

Once inside, I preformed a simple spell on the ferret dolls that I'd hidden in there, and all the plushies started to creep out of the drawers, nooks, and crannies, all appearing to be alive. Malfoy was starting to stir- he looked around, and, seeing the ferrets all making their way toward him, started to freak. "My wand- my wand- where's my wand?"

"Looking for this?" I laughed in my gruff voice. I waggled his wand back and forth, laughing maniacally. Malfoy started to scream.

"It's all a bad dream! It's all a bad dream!" Malfoy cried. I tried to look sinister, but it didn't work. This was all too goddamn funny.

"Better watch out, boy, or I'll set my army of ferrety rodents on you to eat your eyeballs and spoon out your liver!" I called menacingly, backing out of his door before I changed back. I dashed into my room, and, when the potion's effects wore off, I crept down to check the list, still laughing at Malfoy's reaction.

_11. Hide ferret plushies in his bedroom_

_12. Enchant aforementioned plushies to come alive_

_13. Drink Polyjuice Potion and turn into Mad-Eye Moody. Whilst in Moody form, tower over him while he sleeps and tell him that you are going to "set your army of rodent ferrets to attack him and eat his eyeballs"_

Oh, the laughter I could already see from Harry and Ron in the morning…

-x-X-x-

**A/N: Heyy, everybody! AzzPizazz is BACK IN BUSINESS! I would've been back sooner, but my mother stole my keyboard. Seriously. Anyways, I really hoped you liked it, and I'm hoping that I'll learn to update faster. Stay tuned, everybody! We have about 88 things more to go!**


	7. Chapter 7 Poor Uzic!

101 Ways to Bug Draco Malfoy: The Tales of a Protagonist with Questionable Sanity

Chapter 7: Poor Uzic!

"Kinna, you're a GENIUS." Ron said for the third time since we'd sat down at breakfast.

"I know." I said for the third time since we'd sat down at breakfast.

"What happened after?" Harry asked eagerly.

"I dunno- I got the hell outta there." I shrugged. "I assume there was crying. Maybe some more screaming. 'Oh, no, Mr. Moody! Please don't make the ferrets eat my eyes! Aaah!'" I put on a squeaky, terrified voice… Just as Super Ferret Man himself stalked by.

I smiled evilly at him.

He glowered glowering-ly at me.

"D'you suppose he knows it was you?" Ron asked, eyeing Malfoy as he slunk towards the Slytherin table.

I shrugged. "If he didn't before, he does now."

"Kinna, you're a genius."

"I know, Ron. I know."

-abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz-

"Eurgh." I groaned as we trumped down to the dungeons for our first Potions lesson of the year. "If only school didn't have classes, I might actually like it…"

My friends flanked me as we walked into the room, knowing t hat Professor Slughorn would be waiting to cheer on his handpicked favorites, the Slug Club.

Of course, you can imagine my surprise when I waltz into a classroom, expecting to find a stout man who rather resembles an armchair, and instead find a man who greatly resembles a pale, overgrown bat with a hooked nose that rather resembles a fleshy banana.

"BAT ALERT! BAT ALERT!" I screeched, throwing myself under a table. "WHERE'S PROFESSOR ARMCHAIR? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I'd seen Harry, Ron, and Hermione stiffen, although the former two were struggling to hide grins at my rapid reaction.

"Miss Shadow. A… pleasure… as always." Professor Severus Snape sneered. "Five points from Gryffindor, for your… Amusing performance."

"I scrabbled to my feet and faced my altogether second least-favorite teacher I've ever had. For those wondering, Umbridge, the Toad-Faced Wonder, made Snape look tame. "Always a pleasure to see you, too, sir." I smiled as genuinely as I could. I was pretty sure it came out as a toothy grimace. "You know, Professor, I'd actually gotten you a gift over the summer, but I never had a chance to give it to you."

"Excellent. Take your seat, Miss Shadow." Snape looked bored.

"I really hope you like it, it cost me lots of money, at least 5 Galleons-"

"Take your seat, Shadow." Snape was starting to get pissed. Excellent. Harry, Ron, and 'Mione had already sat down, and were watching me with mixed emotions as the classroom slowly filed. Harry- intrigue. Ron- humor. Hermione- worry. All were terrified for my life.

"Do you want to know what it is, Professor?" I asked eagerly.

"Will it make you take your seat?" Snape asked exasperatedly.

"Yessir, Professor Snape, sir!" I chirped.

"Then, please, enlighten us all with whatever trivial possession you bought for me." Snape sighed.

"Why, Professor," I grinned widely. "I bought you a large bottle of anti-grease shampoo!"

If my friends hadn't been terrified for my life before, they were now. The classroom was full of strangled laughs- nobody was brave enough to giggle out loud. Snape's face went from pale to normal colored, to red, to blue, and, finally, purple. I could tell that he was going to do one of three things: let loose a doozy of a speech, make sure that Gryffindor couldn't win the House Cup until I graduated, or give me detention for pretty much the rest of my school life.

"Miss Shadow…" Snape's voice was soft, cold, and full of menace. "Detention. Every Saturday evening."

"For how long?" I asked, bored. Punishments are no fun when you already know what they are.

"Until I decide otherwise." Snape sneered. Again, I'd anticipated that answer.

The classroom was fully filled by now; so many people had watched this interaction. I shrugged, and went to sit in the empty spot next to Hermione.

"Not there, Shadow." Snape smirked. "Your permanent partner is Mr. Malfoy."

You'd think that there would come a point when my defective but loveable brain would decide that I'd gotten into enough trouble already, but…

"!" I screamed. After a few seconds, I realized that another voice was screaming with me, and turned to see Draco Malfoy, also with his mouth wide open, presumably making noise.

"Why are you punishing _me?_" Malfoy whined. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Ah, Draco, as much as I wish that I'd thought up with particular punishment for Miss Shadow, I can't take credit," Snape sneered. "This order came straight from the Headmistress."

Malfoy and I made eye contact for but a moment, and then rushed to the door at the same time. On my way out of the dungeons, though, I did hear Snape yell, "Potter! Weasley! Granger! No sympathetic looks to your friends! 5 points from each of you, and you'll join her in detention this Saturday!"

Oh, how I'd missed him. Sarcasm.

Malfoy and I tore through the halls of our hallowed school, and what had started as an innocent mad dash for the Headmistress' Office turned into a very competitive footrace.

I'd like to say that I would've won without tripping him on the stairs (which was a great move, because he fell right into that trip step that falls through and won't let you go until you sing the ABC's.), but we would've tied. As much as I hate him, I give people credit where it's due. Malfoy's fast. I made it to the gargoyle outside the professor's office about a minute before Malfoy did, and spent those 60 seconds trying to guess McGonagall's password.

"Couldn't you give me a hint at all, Dave?" I asked the gargoyle impatiently. He shook his head.

"Not even a little?" Dave shook his head again.

"You know, you suck." I scowled at Dave.

"You know that you're talking to a rock, right?" Malfoy was leaning against the wall behind me, running a hand through his perfectly styled and gelled hair. Most girls would probably have swooned. As it was, my breath caught in my throat- but that's because I was internally gagging.

"You know that you're an asshole, right?" I chirped. "If you're so fantastic, you get the bloody door open."

Malfoy pushed past me to get to the gargoyle. When he touched me, it felt like an electric shock coursing through my skin.

"Malfoy, what the hell?" I said irately. "You can't hex me in front of the Headmistress' office!"

"What are you blabbering about, Shadow?" Malfoy looked honestly confused, which only served to befuddle me even more.

"You mean, you didn't use a Shocking Hex on me just now?" I asked, now thoroughly confused.

"Shadow, I've long thought you insane, but this just tipped the iceberg. You're bat-crap crazy!" Malfoy gaped. "Do you honestly think that I'm mental enough to hex another student here of all places?"

"Sometimes I wonder…" I muttered.

"Well, then. I'm going to get us into that office." Malfoy leaned down and whispered to Dave, whose stone eyes got wide and started to look progressively more like marble than granite. After a bit, Malfoy stepped back, and I asked Dave a question.

"So, can we go in, now?"

Dave leapt aside faster than an elephant faced with a mouse, or Lord Moldy-Shorts when confronted with a hug. Malfoy and I walked past, and I leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"What exactly did you tell him?"

Malfoy grinned. "I only told him what really happened to that statue of Uzic the Ugly that used to be in the Charms corridor."

"What!" I squealed. "How did you know about that? There was nobody around! I mean, I was out after curfew, and- Sweet Merlin, you were stalking me, weren't you?"

Malfoy sighed. "No, you idiot. I was out after curfew doing my own thing, and just happened to see you trip quite klutzily into it. Poor Uzic."

I growled, rapping on McGonagall's door. It opened almost instantly.

Professor McGonagall didn't look surprised to see us at all. In fact, the first thing she said was, "Ah. Mr. Malfoy. Miss Shadow. Come in, I've been expecting you."

The first thing I said was, "Why did you say Rat-Face's name first?"

The first thing Rat-Face said, rather rattily, was, "My face looks nothing like a rat!"

"I think you'll find it does."

"Does not!"

"Does too."

"Does not!"

"DOES TOO TIMES TEN!"

**Author's Note:** Heyyy, remember last time when I said that I was going to update moor frequently? Well, looks like I lied. Oops. Eh heh. As always, leave a review! Tell me what you think, flame me out, or give me ideas for evilness. Oh, and I'm sorry that there were no pranks this time, but I really thought that was a good place to end the chapter. I'll try to ramp up the amusement next time.

…How about that Very Potter Sequel? I absolutely LOVE Team StarKid. If you haven't seen A Very Potter Musical or A Very Potter Sequel, got to .com and search 'starkidpotter'. Then you should be able to find them. I'm going to end up using a few quotes from those and other funny things that I enjoy, so, if you recognize it, feel free to give it a shout-out in a review. If you've seen these hilarious YouTube things, then you'll understand my humor when I toss out the quotes.


	8. Chapter 8 Ho Lee CRAP

101 Ways to Bug Draco Malfoy: The Tales of a Protagonist with Questionable Sanity

Chapter 8: Ho. Lee. Crap.

Professor McGonagall sighed, obviously already worn out at our bickering. "Miss Shadow, Mr. Malfoy, please come inside- we have something to discuss."

I mumbled agreement, following the Headmistress into her office. There were only two chairs in the office- McGonagall's, and the one on the other side of the desk. Malfoy made a break for the wooden chair, but I knew better- the conjured chair was always more comfy. True to my knowledge, Professor McGonagall conjured a plush armchair that I sank into. I smirked happily at Malfoy, who glowered at me.

"Now, I assume that you two are here because of your partnership in Potions class. Am I correct?" I nodded enthusiastically. "I've already shared with you a few of Professor Dumbledore's last wishes, and this was another- you'll notice that you two have very similar schedules- in any classes that require a partner, you two shall be partnered together in an attempt to build trust and friendship."

I groaned audibly- stuck with Malfoy all year? I already had to share a dorm with the twerp! Knowing how bad this year was going, and my luck, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was going to be Toad-Faced Umbridge, the Ministry Whore.

"Can we talk to Dumbledore?" Malfoy asked.

"Dumbledore's dead, you idiot!" I wanted to add something nastier along the lines of 'You made sure of that,' but I didn't. Some things you just don't say.

"Not the real Dumbledore, genius," Malfoy grumbled, "His portrait- all Headmasters and Headmistresses get a portrait in here."

I'll admit it- I was impressed. I hadn't thought of that. McGonagall was- God for_bid!_ - smiling, so I guess she was impressed, too.

"Normally, Mr. Malfoy, I would let you, but Albus' portrait hasn't been completed yet, so it's impossible."

Malfoy sighed.

"Well, Professor, that you for explaining the circumstances to us. We should get back to class." I nodded curtly to the Headmistress, standing and beckoning to Malfoy. "Come, Maleficent. Let's go see what menial serum that Sour Grape Snape wants us to concoct."

Malfoy grumbled a bit, following me out of the office. We trudged through the castle in silence, except for when Malfoy stepped into the trick stair and had to sing his ABC's again- I think I added a nice harmony. We reached the edge of the dungeons when I stopped rather abruptly. Malfoy bumped into me from behind- he hadn't been paying attention.

"Umm… Malfoy, I have a favor to ask you." I turned around, staring into his smoldering ash-gray eyes.

"No." Malfoy averted his gaze.

"Wait, wait, wait," I changed my tactic, "It's in your best interest if you do this. Hear me out."

"Fine," Malfoy sighed.

I took a deep breath. "You have to cut class with me."

Malfoy looked absolutely bewildered. "Why would I want to cut class with _you_?"

"No, not WITH me, just at the same TIME as me. I can't go back in there- I'll look defeated." I narrowed my eyed. "If you don't, I swear to Rowling I will mess up our potion so bad that Snivellus will blame you for letting me do it."

"Okay, two things. First, why do I have to cut class with you?" Malfoy looked like he was caving- good. My powers of persuasion don't suck!

"Oh, that's easy- we'll pretend that McGonagall kept us. It would clash the integrity of my lie if you showed up to class." I answered honestly.

"Second- who the hell is Rowling?"

I shrugged. "I honestly don't know- I heard a Muggle use the term once. I think she's a Goddess of Creation. You in or out?"

Malfoy sighed. "Fine. We'll work this like a team and hash out a cover story."

"Right. Everything will be about me." I grinned.

"There's no 'I' in 'Team.'" Malfoy glowered.

"Yeah, but there's a 'u' in 'Suck.'"

-abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz-

When the bell rang to change classes, I met Harry, Ron, and Hermione at the edge of the dungeons. Malfoy had come up with a sufficient cover story that I was fairly sure than we'd never use while I daydreamed of flying on my LightningStrike broom (the LightningStrike is a Swedish-made racing broom, rivaled only by the Firebolt).

"Kinna, why didn't you come back to class?" Hermione asked after hugging me and saying how glad she was that Snape hadn't killed me.

"Because Professor Emo would've just made fun of me," I pouted.

"Why didn't Malfoy come back, then?" Hermione rocketed back.

"I convinced him not to," I shrugged.

"We've got Defense Against the Dark Arts next." Harry interrupted. "We've gotta hoof it if we wanna make it on time."

Seeing the sense in this, Hermione stopped digging for information on my rule infraction, and we took off for the Defense room, realizing that we had absolutely no idea who our new teacher was.

The four of us burst through the door five seconds after the late bell, all extremely worried about our first impression on the new teacher. As I looked up after catching my breather, my eyes caught on a single, shabby-looking, pale-brown haired man that I knew only too well. My fears of Umbridge were instantly alleviated, and I was about to shout with glee, but Harry beat me to it.

"Remus!" he hollered, running up and giving our old Professor Lupin a quick, albeit manly, hug, with the backslapping and such.

"Professor Lupin, what are you doing back?" Hermione asked happily. I barely heard the reinstated professor's story about how Professor McGonagall had convinced him to come back- my eyes were trained on a large, hulking shadow in Lupin's office. I could see its face, just able to discern that it was a dog- a large, black dog. I caught its gaze, and my eyes widened as I figured it out, but questions started forming right away.

I opened my mouth to say something, scream what I saw, but Sirius Black shook his shaggy dog head, stopping me from saying anything. I shot him a sharp glare, and the hulking animal sank back into the shadows of Lupin's office. Ho. Lee. Crap.

"Kinna, isn't it great that Remus- er, Professor Lupin- is our teacher again?" I turned to Harry, whose face was all smiled. I forced a grin onto my own face, trying not to think that this happy boy was being lied to by one of his most favorite people in the entire world.

"Yeah, it's awesome," I turned to Lupin, who was observing my face steadily. I stared into his deep brown eyes, hoping he could read my silent message. _We need to talk._ Remus Lupin gave me a slight, almost imperceptible nod.

Our lesson worked with Patronuses, which most of us had perfected in Dumbledore's Army lessons with Harry in our 5th year. Throughout the room, many animals were prominent- Harry's stag, Ron's terrier, Hermione's otter, Ernie MacMillan's boar, Seamus' fox, and Dean's bloodhound. My own Patronus, a large, silver wolf, was stalking Harry's stag, which we thought was hilarious. There was a shimmering dragon in the corner, which I assumed was Malfoy's, even though he hadn't been part of the DA.

Professor Lupin worked with the less experienced Patronus-makers while we tried to figure out the talking thing. Harry, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and I played the Muggle game 'Telephone,' sending our Patronuses across the room with our messages. We were all really sorry when the bell rang, signaling the end of class- all thoughts of Lupin hiding the presumed dead Sirius Black in his office had been driven from my mind, but they came flooding back with the bell.

"I'll see you guys at lunch," I told Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Seamus, I'll meet up with you in Charms- I have a question for Professor Lupin."

My friends waved, going off to their separate classes. I hung back until the classroom was empty before approaching Professor Lupin.

"Remus, we need to talk."

Lupin looked up and sighed. "Yes. You saw him, didn't you?" I nodded. "I told him to stay in the office, but he had to see Harry."

"Professor, we should continue this discussion in your office- I have some questions for Padfoot, and I don't particularly want to be overheard." I raised an eyebrow. Lupin nodded, and I followed him up to his office, setting my bag by his desk while he shut the door.

Sirius was lying in a dog bed next to my feet. He raised his head curiously, studying me, before lying back down and playing the part of a lazy dog again. I smiled. "Sirius, you're joining this discussion."

The black dog looked up sharply before transforming into a grizzled man with shiny, shaggy black hair and beard. "I knew you saw me, but I didn't know you figured it out," Sirius cocked his head slightly, "Do I even know you?"

"I hope not, because I've never met you," I laughed. "Harry, Hermione, Ron, and I got to be good friends over the summer." I reached out, shaking Sirius' hand. "My name's Kinna Shadow- My parents are in the Order- Jake and Joanna Shadow."

"That's right- Jake and Joanna are in deep cover, right? Right in His inner circle." Sirius' eyes flashed with recognition. "Brave souls, your parents."

I nodded. "I worry about them every day." It was true- Mom and Dad were always in the back of my mind. "But right now, I'm here for your story. What the hell happened, and why wouldn't you let me tell Harry? Your dying killed part of him Sirius. Harry started sobbing when they told me how you died this summer."

Sirius sighed. "I know. I feel so bad for not telling him, but I can be better eyes and ears this way, serve the Order by trying to become the faithful pet of a Death Eater or something. I can get better information in everybody thinks I'm dead."

"Then why are you here?" I asked.

"I won't let him be so reckless," Lupin interjected. "I'm all for him telling everyone and us doing a teaching job together, but he's so sure that being dead is better."

I nodded, and my last question came bubbling out. "How did you live? What really happened?"

Sirius grimaced. "Trixie only stunned me, but that veil carried me to another version of it- twenty years in the future. My only thought was to get a Time Turner and come back, but it wouldn't take me all the way- 18 years seems to be the maximum."

"So you know the future?" I gasped. "Does Voldemort get destroyed? Do we win?"

"That's where it gets fuzzy. In that future, we won, but by coming back, I may have changed everything. I hope to Merlin not, but there's always a chance."

I stood as the bell rang- I was late for Charms. "Thanks- that's what I wanted to know. I'll keep your secret, Sirius." A grateful look crossed his face. "For now. There might come a time when I think Harry needs to know, and I'll tell him. Only him, Hermione, and Ron. Nobody else, and only if they need to know."

Sirius nodded. "I can accept that."

"Remus, could you write me a pass to Charms?" Professor Lupin wrote out a slip for me, I grabbed my stuff, and walked to Charms.

Did I mention that I'm actually not good at keep secrets? Well, crap.

**Author's Note: Wow! Looky here! Two chapters in a reasonably short time! Actually, I might have numbah nine coming your way really soon- I've got so much spare time, and I'm actually itching to write! It's such a change. Anyways, leave reviews.**

**The plot thickens! Let me know if you think that Ol' Remmy showing up was good. Tell me if you think it was a possible twist that Siri-poo only went forward in time, but didn't die, and in the actual books, he was just too lazy to come back to us.**

**That's where I leave you for now! Je voudrais son pantalon cuir, son pantalon!**


End file.
